We all like a surprise every now and then, and we are all sometimes forced to deal with a disruption, but generally it’s nice to know what to expect each day. Adults have the ability to plan and infer, children, mostly, have to go along for the ride. If you want a smoother trip, you need to frontload your little ones – tell them what’s going to happen and what to expect.
Frontloading can begin in infancy – “I am going to pick you up, now, and get you ready for a bath.” You can narrate taking off baby’s clothes, the change in the way the air feels on the skin, the transition to the warm water. Does baby understand your words? No, but your infant understands your attention, and loves your caring tone. The bonus is the introduction to language, conversation and regard.
You can prompt about loud noises, a change in the environment, or the arrival of a guest. I used to tell my little girl “big sun” as we moved from the interior of the car into a parking lot, and “somebody’s getting help” as a siren approached, so she would not be startled. I always let her now that daddy would be home soon and would pick her up and give her hugs and kisses (Daddy learned to frontload, too).
If you start in infancy, as children grow you will already be in the habit of including them in the day’s plan. Consider frontloading as an example of good manners and consideration of others. Frontloading allows kids to plan and anticipate, too. “This morning we are going to the bank and grocery store. We are going to do a big shopping. Then we will come home and have lunch and a nap.” Or, “After daycare, today, we are going to grandma’s for dinner, before we go home. Is there anything special you need to bring this morning so you have it after school.”
The concept is simple, but the benefits are great. You can address objection with acknowledgement – “I know you don’t like grocery shopping. It is not my favorite chore either, but we need food in our house. We will work together to get it done more quickly” or “remember, I told you this was our plan. I understand you want to go home, but we have made this commitment.” Showing a child this simple regard will teach how to show regard in return.
In the planning of your day (and your life) if you know your because, acknowledge emotion, and frontload your children on plans and expectations, you are taking steps to building a strong, reciprocal regard. And the truth is, with parenting, you never actually have control, all you really ever have is the relationship.
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