Allowing and Imposing Natural Consequences (first posted at www. happyhourmom.com)

I am a believer in the teaching power of natural consequences.  I know that after an evening spent shivering at a ballgame, I take a sweater to the next event .  If I forget something I need at work and suffer the frustration of being ill prepared, I take immediate steps to improve my organizational skills.   And yet, when children make the same kind of errors, parents often rescue instead of letting the circumstances provide the discipline. 

I think the reasons for parental rescuing are fear based.  We (the current generation of parents) are terrified for our kids to “fail,” and worry that a zero on an assignment, a poor grade, or a missed opportunity will doom our child’s academic or social future. Additionally, let’s face it, parenting in public is difficult, and if lunch is left behind (again) and you allow junior to go hungry, or you send your kid to school in a dirty shirt, because he constantly leaves his clothes on the floor  instead of putting them in the hamper, someone is going to judge you.  I sympathize, but, you’ve gotta buck up!

Experience is the best teacher and robbing children of the consequences of their own actions is equivalent to denying them the opportunity to learn to read – eventually their ability to function will be compromised.  Not to mention, that you will run yourself ragged tying up all of their loose ends, all the while building resentment towards your skill-less, ungrateful child, who never had the opportunity to learn from natural consequences.

So, this week, I challenge you to leave the homework on the counter and the laundry on the floor.  I suggest that you don’t backtrack to preschool to get the treasure left in the cubby, or deliver the jacket your child refused to take even though rain was clearly imminent.  You need not offer the rescue.  You need only anticipate the frustration, and provide a sincere and sympathetic acknowledgment, “oh honey, that must have been hard for you.”