A Magic Phone Call

When childhood choices meet natural consequences wonderful lessons can be taught with no parental imposition.  The only requirement is that parents allow for those consequences to take place; The kindergartner who refuses the sweater must be allowed to be cold at school, the 4^th grader who skips practice all week isn’t allowed to play in Saturday’s game, the high–schooler who chronically “forgets” homework, receives a lesser grade.

The challenge with young children is the need for more immediate consequences so they are capable of making the connection between cause and effect.  Magic phone call to the rescue. 

Let’s assume your little one is hitting at preschool (this must have happened to someone out there) and the natural consequence, to stay home from preschool, is not an option.  There is an upcoming birthday party, but it is too many days away to serve as a viable teaching tool.  If only a friend would call, right now, and invite your child to play.

Use your cell phone to dial your home phone or employ a friend to give you a call and create a fictitious invitation.  Remember, I said fictitious – do not involve another child who will be disappointed by this proposition.  Respond to the caller: “I am so sorry.  Ava is having a little bit of trouble with hitting, so I don’t think it is a good time for a play date.  Please ask, again, as I am sure she will learn to control herself better, soon.” 

Your child will likely react with tears and promises to keep her hands to herself.  You will calmly respond, “oh, honey, it would not be responsible for me to take you out when I know there is a risk that you might hit someone.  I will help you practice your self-control, and when you are managing at preschool, we will schedule a play date.”

Nothing in this response should be punitive.  The message is simply that your child is not ready for the responsibilities that come with socializing.  The expectation is that the child will soon be ready to play safely and that you will support gaining that readiness.  Everyone is on the same team, but the ball is in the child’s court.